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Dynamics of Sexual Consent: Sex, Rape and the Grey Area In-Between

Dynamics of Sexual Consent: Sex, Rape and the Grey Area In-Between

Author: Lena Gunnarsson
Publisher: Routledge
ISBN: 9781032628448
Published In: November 2024
Format: Paperback
Jurisdiction: U.K. ? Disclaimer:
Countri(es) stated herein are used as reference only

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How does sexual consent work? How do we know that another person really wants to have sex with us? Why do people sometimes give in to sex that they are not in the mood for? And how come it is sometimes difficult to draw a sharp line between sex and assault? Dynamics of Sexual Consent addresses these questions based on deeply personal interviews with twenty Swedish women and men of various ages and sexual orientations. In doing so, it contributes to understandings of sexual consent and sexual grey areas through its combination of conceptual rigour, analytical detail and empirical richness.

While starting in the legal definition of consent as voluntary participation, the book broadens the discussion to a wider sociological and philosophical sphere where gendered power dynamics and relational dependencies challenge simplistic understandings of voluntariness. Contesting tendencies to see miscommunication as the key problem related to consent, it shows that emotional aspects are often the main factor standing in the way of genuinely consensual interactions. While the analysis is informed by a gender perspective emphasizing the gendered power asymmetries of heterosexuality, it also foregrounds men’s vulnerability and the power dynamics of same-sex interactions. A key argument of the book is that, given the contextual and ambiguous nature of sexual interactions, it is impossible to delineate unequivocal and concretely applicable and guidelines for what counts as consent. To compensate for the lack of universal, fail-safe rules, what is needed is an intensified collective reflection on consent and sexual grey areas, which can make individuals better equipped to identify and respect their own and others’ boundaries.

An empirically rich and conceptually sophisticated contribution to understandings of sexual consent and sexual grey areas, Dynamics of Sexual Consent will be of interest to scholars and students of gender studies, sociology and criminology.

1. Introduction

Consent as voluntary participation

The relational, affectable human

Sexual consent in the law

Consent in research

How is consent communicated?

The complexity of wanting

Perspectives from legal philosophy

Gender and power

The relationship between normative heterosex and violence

Sex wars

BDSM and consent

Men’s consent

The gender of sexual vulnerability

Beyond heterosexuality

Boundaries and grey areas

This book’s contribution

2. How does consent work?

Lennart: “It’s ridiculously simple signs”

Stella: “If you didn’t want to, you pushed the other person away”

Nils: “In that case, I could choose to hug her instead”

Elias: “It’s really tricky”

Oskar: “It’s, like, you feel it in the air”

The transgressive pub milieu

Can a partner “grope”?

Will I get elbowed or will she pull down her pants?

The failed morning gift

Consent: simple and utterly complex

3. Seduction or assault?

Julia: “Then you’ve persuaded them until they actually want to”

Stina: “I thought he probably wanted to anyway”

Nils: “Even if your head doesn’t want to, your body gets going”

Oskar: “I manipulated her into sex by exciting her”

Pernilla: “I let her take the step instead of me suggesting sex”

Gunnar: “I’m very restrained about what signals I send”

Human affectability, for good and bad

4. Giving in

Stina: “I thought that then he’d love me”

Anas: “I don’t want to make anyone unhappy”

Kristina: “You don’t have any reason to say no”

Nils: “As a guy, it’s hard to say no”

Oskar: “Saying no has always been connected to me feeling bad”

Gunnar: “She agreed so I’d be satisfied”

The agency of the victimized

5. Giving in – because you want to

Gunnar: “She wanted to do it for my sake”

Mariam: “You have to say yes sometimes”

Thomas: “It was a little unfair that I did it for him while he refused”

Stella: “I really worry that she wanted it because I wanted it”

Rikard: “Sex was a way of overcoming our problems”

Anders: The gender asymmetries of give-and-take sex

The larger context of “maintenance sex”

6. Sexual templates

Men’s burden of taking the initiative

Sexual liberation as imperative

Women who are too much

When there is no template

The tyranny of reciprocity?

The roles of the gay male scene

Five dicks as threat or treat?

Templates versus individuals

7. Knowing what you want

Cecilia: “I’ve always been bad at knowing what I want”

Stina: “I didn’t even reflect on whether I wanted to”

Wanting to want

Michael: “Horniness goes past fear and common sense”

Having no will

The boundary between me and you

8. Dominance and submission

Taking patriarchal degradation to its limit

Escaping the burden of wanting

Dominance and submission as a dynamic of validation

Where does the responsibility of the dominant start and end?

Norm-transgression versus self-harm

9. Beyond consent

When consent is not what is most important

Not being “sensed”

“Mentally raped”

Participating in one’s own violation

What happens afterwards

Our need for respect and care

10. Sexually invulnerable men?

Nils: “Like doing the dishes when you don’t want to”

Rikard: “Like when my favourite comedian isn’t funny”

Elias: “As if someone had been in my home against my will”

Turning away from one’s own vulnerability

The gay scene’s hypermasculine ideals

“Just fuck”

The paradox of (in)vulnerability

11. We must – still – talk more about sex

In favour of a collective reflection on the grey area

Consent can be emotionally difficult

Committed relationships do not protect people from assault and unwanted sex

The need for respect and care

People do not always know what they want

The participation of the victimized party

Same-sex dynamics of consent

The ambiguous significance of gender

Do we really need to talk more about sex in an overly sexualized world?

Appendix: Methodological approach

The participants

The interviews

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